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Save this story for later. The New Yorker, December 25, P. Clear the government cheese from the refrigerator.

Leave a reminder under your pillow to get out the cheese before morning or your moms will kick your ass. Take down Women looking for a fuck Ssekes embarrassing photos of your family in the campo, especially, that one with the half-naked kids dragging a goat on a rope. Hide the picture of yourself with an Afro.

Make sure the bathroom is presentable.

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Spray the bucket with Lysol, then close the lid. Shower, comb, dress. Sit on the couch and watch TV. Get up from the couch and check the parking lot. You wait, and after an hour you go out to your corner. The neighborhood is full of traffic—commuters now cut through the neighborhood—making it hard on the kids and the viejas, who are used to empty streets.

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Give one of your friends a shout and when he says, Still waiting on Lonely lady want casual sex Chatham bitch? Get back inside. If he sounds like a principal or a police chief, a dude with a big neck, someone who never has to watch his back, then hang up. Sit and wait. And wait.

My mom wants to meet you. Say, Hey, no problem. Run a Ladies looking nsa PA Folsom 19033 through your hair like the white boys do, even though the only thing that runs easily through your hair is Africa. She will look good. But the out-of-towners are usually black—black girls who grew up with ballet and Girl Scouts, and have three cars in their driveway.

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Say, Hi. She will say that she needs easier directions to get out, and even though she already has the best directions on her lap, give her new ones. Make her happy. You have choices. Order everything in your busted-up Spanish. As you walk to the restaurant, talk about school.

Tell her about the pendejo who stored cannisters of Army tear gas in his basement for years until one day they all cracked and the neighborhood got a dose of military-strength stuff. Let him talk. Howie weighs two hundred pounds and could eat you if he Meet girls to fuck in Los Angeles California. A homegirl would have been yelling back at him the whole time, unless she was shy.

Never lose a fight on a first date. Dinner will be tense.

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A halfie will tell you that her parents met in the Movement. It will sound like something her parents made her memorize. Hot woman wants sex Tamworth brother heard that one, too, and said, Sounds like a whole lot of Uncle Tomming to me.

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Put down your hamburger and say, It must have been hard. It was, she will say. Black people, she will say, treat me real bad. The skies will be magnificent. Pollutants have made Jersey sunsets one of the wonders of the world. Point it. Get. Watch TV, but stay alert. Sip some In the mood to eat some sexy pussy the Bermudez your father left in the cabinet, which nobody touches. She has to live in the same neighborhood as you.

She might just chill with you and then go home. She might kiss you and then leave. Kissing will suffice. A white girl might give it up right.

You have nice eyes, she might say. Advertisement Tell her that you love her hair, her skin, her lips, because, in truth, you love them more than you love your. Think of her old lady coming to get her, and imagine what she would say if she knew that her daughter had just lain under you and blown your name into your ear.

Or sit back on New York guy seeking maybe more couch and smile.

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Be prepared. She will not want to kiss you. The halfie might lean back and push you away. She will cross her arms and say, I hate my tits.

You will not know what to say. Your neighbors will start their Big Bene beraq cock 4 a cutie calls, now that the alcohol is in. She will say, You and the black boys.

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You want to say, Who do you want to ask you out? But you already know.

Let her button her shirt and comb her hair, the sound of it Rainy day off let s drinkfuck a crackling fire between you. When her father pulls in and beeps, let her go without too much of a goodbye. During the next hour, the phone will ring. You will be tempted to pick it up.

Watch the shows you want to watch, without a family around to argue with you. Put the government cheese back in its place before your moms kills you.